Tips for the Novice Public Diplomat: How to Talk and Enjoy Listening

People you talk to, everywhere in the world and no matter what language they speak, like to feel they are being heard and that others are interested in what they have to say. So, before you try speaking or responding, truly listen to the other person. That’s the only way they will show an interest in what you have to say.

The first and most important thing you have to make sure of when speaking with someone is to establish eye contact. When you look off to the side during a conversation or are busy with other things, the other person feels uncomfortable. They might think you aren’t interested in them, and will respond to you in kind with inattention.

One of the first means of communication that manifests itself in interpersonal contact is actually nonverbal – body language. To make people listen to you, they have to feel comfortable conversing with you. What should we do with our bodies to increase that likelihood?

1. Hand gestures - When we “talk with your hands” and make broad gestures, our bodies convey a message of pleasant communication, show that we are interested in the conversation, and reveal openness.
2. Tone of voice - The more our voice changes during the course of the conversation, and our tone rises and falls according to the things we wish to emphasize, the more flowing the conversation and the better we can direct our conversational partner’s focus on what we are saying.
3. Facial expressions - People are extremely sensitive to facial expressions, whether consciously or subconsciously, especially when the conversation is not in their native tongue. Smile only when you really mean it. Try to be sincere in your smiles, and keep your gaze and facial expression soft.
4. Posture - The steadier you hold your body and the less you move around, the more your body language sends a message of being comfortable and confident. Quick, nervous movements can create a sense of confusion and anxiety.

• Tell your own personal story. Don’t be afraid of sharing your feelings and experiences with the people you talk to. After all, and before all else, we’re all human beings.
• Beware of long, sermonizing monologues that are hard to follow.
• Let your partners in the conversation speak as well; be sensitive to the need for taking turns.
• Ask questions and take an interest in what they say, too.
• Relate to what your conversational partners tell you instead of just focusing on what you want to say.
• Try to think of new viewpoints you can provide. For instance, if the subject of the Israeli-Palestinian conflict comes up and the other side implies that the Palestinians have been here forever, don’t attack! Try to gently remind them that each side has its own truth, and that history shows us that the Jews settled in Israel long before the Arabs ever arrived.
• Express yourself clearly so you will be easily understood.
• Keep your sense of humor and don’t get caught up in wearisome discussions that portray Israel as a victim.
• When you want to drive home a point, use personal examples. That’s always better than rattling off academic information and statistics.
• A picture is worth a thousand words – carry around pictures from home to get your message across. And if you, for example, want to show Israel’s size, point it out on a map!
• Decide on 2-3 messages that you want to convey; make sure to refrain from giving too many messages at once. Include your one of your messages in every example, picture or story.

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Good contact begins with listening. Photo by Shosh Gorlovski, courtesy of the “Window to My World” exhibit

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